Depression
by smolTITAN118
Summary: Jayla Rin enters a depressive episode in the following days after Reno-13's death.


In her room in the Guardian's Tower, Jayla Rin had been in bed for 2 days. Orrin, her ghost, tried to get her up at different times to eat or walk around, but she usually refused. Today was no different.

"Jayla...Guardian...I know you don't feel like it but you really should eat something…" He offered.

"What good would it do?" Jayla answered. She was curled up in a fetal position in her bed, with the blankets up close around her face. She was nauseous from hunger in her stomach, but her soul felt numb. Her body felt like it weighed 1,000 pounds and every movement ached.

"There has to be something you want." Orrin floated into the kitchen and surveyed the shelves.

"Wine." Jayla called to him. "Wine drunk sounds amazing right now." She said quieter.

"No way; not after all the alcohol you threw up last night." Orrin answered.

"I slept it off; i'm fine, see?" Jayla tightened her stomach and sat straight up for a few seconds and flopped back down. "Wine please; Kay, thanks."

Orrin drifted back into the bedroom. "Can we try a food group?"

"Wine is fruit." Jayla groaned and rolled over away from him and pulled the blanket over her head.

"Jayla…" Orrin was starting to get concerned. "Come on, please?"

"Leave me alone to die." Jayla said, muffled. "Besides, you can bring me back, so what does it matter?"

"Exactly why it's pointless for you to let yourself go like this. I'm just going to bring you back; it won't solve anything-"

"Great." Jayla cut him off. "See you in three days."

Her lack of logic was indicative of a severe depressive episode; as if the Ghost needed any other sign that his Guardian wasn't okay.

She had burrowed deeper into her blankets and her body trembled a bit as she cried.

It had been almost a week since they left her fireteam member, Reno-13 to die at the hands of the Hive on Titan. He had lost his light in the fight, and it was the only way to ensure that Jayla and Darren would escape. Reno had been Jayla's best friend; she barely remembered her Risen life without him.

With Reno-13 gone and their fireteam fractured, Jayla could barely fathom returning to her activities as a guardian. Would they have to replace him? Would Darren be reassigned and she'd have to start a new fireteam? Would they dissolve the fireteam altogether? All options made her sick to her stomach. Things had been just the three of them for years.

She saw a light at the edge of her blanket. Orrin had squirmed under with her and rested against her pillow; his blue eye dimmed slightly into a warm glow.

"Now what?" Jayla asked exasperatedly.

"Come on Jay." He said. "I know you're worried, and you don't like change, but you'll adapt; i know you will-"

"I CAN'T!" Jayla flung the blanket off her head and flipped to her back.

"Don't you understand? I...I abandoned my best friend. I successfully ruined my own lives, and now I have to live in whatever shitty job they decide to make me do, with whoever they put me with. Everything is royally effed!"

"You'll adapt." Orrin said quietly. "And you know as well as i do, as Reno-13 did, that there was no other way. It'll get better…"

"You don't understand." Jayla said angrily. "I wish I had died there, not him. He could have gone on; he could have still made something out of himself. I can't; not alone...And it's definitely not from lack of trying."

"How do you think Eris Morn has gone on, or even survived the Hellmouth after she lost her light, and her fireteam? Her ENTIRE fireteam?" Orrin asked.

"She went all Hive and nutty." Jayla answered quickly.

"Grief makes you nutty." Orrin replied.

For a minute, Jayla was silent, processing what he'd said, as tears filled her eyes again. She pulled her knees to her chest and rolled back on her side again.

"I have no time to be nutty. I'm a Guardian; i shouldn't be here puttering about the tower doing pointless jobs. I've been kicking ass and taking names my entire Risen life, and i wish they would just let me get back to it. I can't do this "processing" thing; not right now; my brain is exhausted. All it does is send me into a downward spiral...and i end up here, and i don't know how to get out. What i'm supposed to be and the way i feel now are polar opposite and i just don't know how to get back to what i was. I can't do it without Reno."

"Give it time." Orrin answered. "In the meantime, you have something Eris Morn didn't."

"Human eyes?" Jayla sighed.

"Not funny." Orrin said.

Realization dawned on Jayla as she realized what he was talking about. "No." She shook her head. "No...he doesn't do well with emotionally volatile people."

"Neither do you." Orrin replied. "Maybe you'll cancel eachother out."

"Well, i haven't showered in days; there's no way i'm going out there to find him-" Jayla started.

She was interrupted by the doorbell ringing.

"I took the liberty of asking him to stop by today." Orrin admitted.

"You bastard. I don't want to see anyone right NOW!" Jayla slid down and curled up in the blankets again, covering her face.

"He's not 'anyone'." Orrin went to answer the door. "He's your friend."

The door slid open and Darren Vol stood in the doorway. "Hello, Orrin. Jayla?" He called into the room.

Jayla didn't move.

"She's been like this for days." Orrin said quietly.

Darren let himself in and walked into the bedroom. He stood in the doorway

"Jayla, you must have tower detail to attend to; you can't stay here." He said matter-of-factly.

"We can't do missions." Jayla said, her voice muffled.

"That's beside the point; Tower detail isn't exciting, but it's still a responsibility."

"It's lame is what it is!" Jayla yanked the blanket off her head.

Darren tried not to look startled. "Yikes…"

It was obvious Jayla hadn't done much eating, sleeping or personal hygiene over the last few days.

He shook himself a little and continued. "Lame or not, they're trying to give us a moment to process; they know a lot has happened. When you're ready, they said we could pick someone new, or if you wanted to remain more local, they could reassign me temporarily-"

"WHAT?!" Jayla sat up. "We can't do team missions, EVER, until we dissolve the team or pick someone new? Are they serious? Like we can replace Reno-13...with some scrub off the street?!"

"With that attitude, you're probably right." Darren shook his head.

Jayla flopped down on her back and looked up at the ceiling.

"This sucks; this whole thing sucks!" She said angrily. "Zavala knows what it's like to lose a fireteam member; you don't see him rushing to replace Cayde-6!"

"Jayla, listen-" Darren started again.

"No YOU listen!" Jayla yelled, turning to him and sitting up straight. "Reno-13 taught me everything i know. He was my best friend...There's no way in hell i'm replacing him, not anytime soon. We should be able to run co-ops if we want; we're perfectly capable…"

"Jayla." Darren started again. "You know co-ops require full fireteams for a reason. When you're one person short, everyone suffers. You KNOW this…"

Jayla stared at him for a minute before pulling the blanket over her head again and facing away from him as she lay back down. "Then go. You're obviously demonstrating your priorities."

"I am." Darren answered. "And they're the same as Reno-13's priorities were. We exist to protect the city, and do good as the Traveler would if it was able to. What do you think Reno would do if your situations were reversed?"

Jayla's face flushed and tears escaped her eyes. She was silent for a minute.

"Please don't leave me, Darren." She sobbed finally. "I know i suck, and you probably hate me, but you and Orrin are all i have left…"

Darren's facial expression softened a bit. Against his better judgement, he sat on the edge of the bed and pulled the blanket off her head. She turned to face him, sniffing and hiccuping.

"You're wrong on several accounts actually." He said kindly. "We're a fireteam, or what's left of one; i'm not leaving you. And i don't hate you. Most of all, you're not alone. What you need to realize and accept is that...things are going to be different than you always expected them to be. You have to let go of the life and the fireteam you counted on, and that takes time. But it won't be bad unless you make it that way. Just different."

Jayla listened silently and took it all in. "I can't replace Reno." She said finally.

"Not now." Darren agreed. "And in your heart, you never will. But perhaps eventually, you could chose someone to watch over his spot on our team, so we can fulfill our purpose effectively."

Jayla paused to think, and shook her head again. "No." She said bitterly.

Darren sighed. "Someday." He affirmed. "When you're ready."

Jayla took a swipe at her eyes and nose with the back of her hand and rolled over, facing away from him.

Darren patted her shoulder and stood to leave, but she reached up and held his hand against her shoulder.

After a moment, he carefully sat back down.

"Alright. I'm not leaving." He reassured her. "Not from the fireteam...and not now. Don't worry."

He saw her head bob as she nodded. Orrin had stationed himself on Darren's right shoulder, opposite his ghost, Merin during the whole conversation. Now he floated down to the bed, in front of Jayla's face. He nudged against her hand until she opened it, crying even harder as he settled into her palm.

"You have friends, Jayla. We're not just here when things are good." Darren squeezed her shoulder. "You're not in this alone."


End file.
